Traveling with ADHD - how to travel calmly without calamity
Give yourself this quiz:
Have you ever gotten off a plane and left something behind in the overhead compartment or seatback?
In a city with more than one airport, have you ever booked a flight at one airport but showed up at another airport by accident?
Have you ever lost your passport while traveling?
Have you ever walked through security, looked at your phone or the monitor for your gate and within 2 minutes, forgotten the gate number?
Have you ever had to go to the front desk of a hotel to get a new plastic card made because you left yours in your room? Has that ever happened twice on one trip? Three times? Four times or more?
Have you ever underestimated the time to see sights or to travel between one sight and another and the place that you really wanted to visit was closed when you got there?
Have you ever lost your phone while traveling?
Are you more prone to fight with your partner, friend, or other companions while traveling?
If something doesn’t work out while traveling, (like the restaurant you really wanted to go to is closed), are you able to easily change course and go to plan B?
Do you have a hard time making decisions while traveling, for example, if you get to a town late at night, do you have a hard time choosing a place to eat even if you are hungry?
Structure is one of the best medicines for ADHD and when you travel, you are out of routine; you lose your structure. Everybody is more prone to challenges while traveling but if you scored 5 or more on the quiz, you may be “traveling with ADHD.” Here are a few tips to keep your ADHD symptoms under control while traveling:
1. Losing and finding things - You need to be even more aware than usual of your belongings when you are traveling. If you struggle with losing things in general, traveling will exacerbate this challenge. Try these ideas to minimize the items you lose:
Travel with a backpack or fanny pack, something that you can keep attached to your body, with all your important belongings.
Leave an extra credit card in your room when you go out in case you lose your wallet.
Before you leave a hotel room, do a “last check” to make sure nothing has been left behind. In particular, make sure you have your phone charger.
Remember to check the seatback and overhead compartment when getting off a plane.
If you keep your wallet or phone in your pockets, make sure you are wearing clothes with deep pockets so they don’t fall out.
If you are tired from traveling, you are more likely to lose things. Ask your travel companion to remind you to do your checks (in the hotel room or on the plane).
If you do lose something, even your phone, or wallet, or passport, try to stay calm. Plenty of people have lost their phones, wallets, purses, or passports while traveling and lived another day.
Look with your mind not your body. Retrace your day and where you would have left behind the item. A lost item is usually within shouting distance of where you thought it would be.
If these items are really gone, then replace them. Passports can be reissued quickly. Credit cards can be canceled and replaced. You can get a new phone.
2. Being careful with the big things - Things are going to go wrong when you travel. Try to minimize the # of big things that go wrong:
Double check the airport you are flying into and out of.
Make sure you are getting your times right.
Make sure you know the correct day to meet up with a friend.
Take precautions so none of your belongings get stolen.
3. Getting along with your travel companions - You might remind your spouse, partner, friend, children, or other travel companion that travel takes you out of your routines and please be patient if anything goes wrong. Traveling together can be intense and can exacerbate existing underlying friction. Work hard to be empathetic to your travel companions and ask them for the same for you.
4. Making plans - People have different travel routines. Some people want to go on an organized tour or a cruise to minimize the number of things that go wrong. Others may want the freedom and spontaneity of waking up each morning and making a new plan. If you are the latter, then great but make sure that you careful about your planning:
Leave extra time - Make your plans and then leave an extra hour to get from place to place. In a new place, it is hard to figure out how bad traffic will be or how long it will take to get somewhere with public transportation.
Check opening and closing days and times - Make sure you look on the internet or ask somebody who knows this information; how disappointing it can be to get somewhere and find it is closed.
Don’t try to stuff too much into one day - It’s tempting to want to go to every museum, beach, shop or restaurant in one city, but realize that you and your travel companions will want some chill time and if you pack in too much you will wear yourself out and be more prone to ADHD-related errors.
5. Have fun - There is no doubt that travel is more difficult if you have ADHD. But when you leave your daily responsibilities behind, it is a great chance to relax and take a break from your usual challenges in life. Sometimes it is the ideal time to work on yourself; to practice your compensating mechanisms, to work on your emotional challenges, and to reflect on your life. Even if things go wrong, you will recover. Meeting new people, seeing different cultures, adventuring in beautiful natural areas are some of the great joys in life. So what if some things go wrong in your travels; keep your eye on the big picture and enjoy your travels!
If you have a colleague with ADHD
My friend texted me last week, I’m pretty sure my colleague has ADHD. He is all over the place. Can you point me to any resources to help me deal with him?
So I researched and researched and didn’t find much. There is plenty of advice for people with ADHD, but almost no advice if your colleague or your boss has ADHD.
So, I got my friend on the phone. Here’s how the conversation went:
Jon: So tell me about your colleague?
Friend: Our calls take three times as long as they should. He can’t finish his thoughts. He interrupts me all of the time. He forgets what we have decided twenty minutes ago and brings up stuff we already agreed on.
Jon: So does he have ADHD?
Friend: Well he has never mentioned it but it sure looks like it to me.
Jon: Looks like it to me too.
It was a new colleague and my friend didn’t yet feel comfortable bringing up the possibility that he might have ADHD. So, I gave him some advice:
Awareness - Just being aware that a colleague may have ADHD will help you manage your interactions with them. If you can put yourself in that person’s shoes and be an ally then you might be surprised how productive your colleague with ADHD can be.
Ask them - If you know this person well, it might be okay to ask if they had ever been assessed for ADHD? Many people first learn about ADHD when a trusted colleague, friend, or family member brings up the issue.
Talk about specific behaviors - If you don’t feel comfortable asking them if they have ADHD, bring up their specific symptoms in a calm, non-judgemental way: I value everything you have to say, but sometimes I can’t finish my thoughts because you interrupt me. Are you aware of that? Is that something we can work on together?
Follow good project management practices - Send agendas before meetings. Send follow up notes after a meeting describing what was agreed upon. These are good practices anyhow, but creating structure for your colleague with ADHD will help. Structure is one of the best medicines for ADHD.
Set some boundaries - If your colleague or boss with ADHD is making it very hard to manage your job, you will have to set some boundaries: I can’t go past 6 tonight as I have family obligations or If you are late for the staff meeting, we will start without you.
It doesn’t always work out - If you have done everything you can to figure out how to work well with somebody with ADHD, but your ADHD colleague’s behavior isn’t changing and they are in denial about their issues, then it may be time to find a way to not work too closely with that colleague.
It’s crazy how little is written about this topic given that there must be millions of colleagues of people with ADHD. I will keep paying attention to it.
P.S. I have developed a workshop on this topic to educate managers and employees about neurodiverse colleagues. Feel free to pass this along to somebody at your company (culture, DEI) who might be interested.
Dispelling myths about ADHD Diagnosis
Diagnosis of ADHD is full of myths and misunderstandings. A couple of examples from my personal life:
A family member was told by a professional that in order to figure out if he had ADHD, he had to do a full neuropsych assessment - for $5,000!
An acquaintance was diagnosed with ADHD as a young adolescent. As a freshman in college, he got the correct diagnosis - high-functioning autism. Finally after 6 years of misstarts, he got on the right path.
Given the high stakes in diagnosis and the prevalence of misinformation, here is a FAQ about ADHD diagnosis to bring clarity to the topic:
Q. What kind of professional is qualified to do an ADHD diagnosis?
A. Masters-trained therapists (LCSWs, LMFTs etc.), psychologists, psychiatrists, mental health nurse practitioners, neuropsychologists, and developmental pediatricians are best bets for ADHD (or other mental health) diagnoses. You want somebody who is well-trained in being able to take patient histories, compare them to the criteria in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health Disorders (Currently DSM-5), and determine if a client has a disorder. Ideally, you would have somebody who does ADHD diagnosis frequently because you are trying to judge clients’ symptoms appropriateness for their “developmental level”, which is hard to decide unless you do this work often.
Primary care providers can also do mental health diagnoses, in theory, but you should definitely inquire about how often they do this kind of work and make sure they are following standard procedures for mental health diagnoses. If they just ask you to fill out a questionnaire like the Vanderbilt or SNAP and in 10 minutes later tell you that you have ADHD, the diagnosis is probably not worth a lot.
Q. What should I expect out of my ADHD diagnosis?
A. At the very least you should expect to be told whether you have ADHD and if it is mild, medium, severe, or sub-clinical (which means you have some of the symptoms but not enough to merit the diagnosis). Many mental health providers will do an ADHD diagnosis as part of a larger mental health diagnosis package so clients can find out not only if they have ADHD but whether they have any co-morbidities (additional diagnoses), the most common for ADHD being anxiety and depression.
Full neuropsychology testing typically goes much deeper, providing insight into brain function like intelligence, memory, processing speed, auditory and visual strengths and weaknesses as well as mental health conditions like ADHD. Neuropsych testing is often a more time-consuming and expensive process and is typically recommended if you are trying to determine if somebody has a learning disability. You may not need it if you are just trying to determine ADHD. Also, if you are working with a therapist, they may have the ability to do some cognitive testing (using a newer class of assessments that have made cognitive testing easier). When calling around about diagnosis services, ask very specifically about what you will learn from the assessment process they use.
Q. What are the most common types of ADHD diagnoses?
A. There are three primary ADHD diagnoses (but #2 is rare):
Predominantly Inattentive Presentation
Predominantly Hyperactive-Impulsive Presentation
Combined Presentation (both hyperactive/impulsive and inattentive)
Q. So what does DSM-V say is required to diagnose ADHD?
A. Six or more symptoms of inattention for children up to age 16 years, or five or more for adolescents age 17 years and older and adults; symptoms of inattention have been present for at least 6 months, and they are inappropriate for developmental level.
For inattention, the symptom list is:
Often fails to give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes in schoolwork, at work, or with other activities.
Often has trouble holding attention on tasks or play activities.
Often does not seem to listen when spoken to directly.
Often does not follow through on instructions and fails to finish schoolwork, chores, or duties in the workplace (e.g., loses focus, side-tracked).
Often has trouble organizing tasks and activities.
Often avoids, dislikes, or is reluctant to do tasks that require mental effort over a long period of time (such as schoolwork or homework).
Often loses things necessary for tasks and activities (e.g. school materials, pencils, books, tools, wallets, keys, paperwork, eyeglasses, mobile telephones).
Is often easily distracted.
Is often forgetful in daily activities.
For hyperactive/impulsive, the symptom list is:
Often fidgets with or taps hands or feet, or squirms in seat.
Often leaves seat in situations when remaining seated is expected.
Often runs about or climbs in situations where it is not appropriate (adolescents or adults may be limited to feeling restless).
Often unable to play or take part in leisure activities quietly.
Is often “on the go” acting as if “driven by a motor”.
Often talks excessively.
Often blurts out an answer before a question has been completed.
Often has trouble waiting their turn.
Often interrupts or intrudes on others (e.g., butts into conversations or games).
In addition, the following conditions must be met:
Several inattentive or hyperactive-impulsive symptoms were present before age 12 years.
Several symptoms are present in two or more settings, (such as at home, school or work; with friends or relatives; in other activities).
There is clear evidence that the symptoms interfere with, or reduce the quality of, social, school, or work functioning.
The symptoms are not better explained by another mental disorder (such as a mood disorder, anxiety disorder, dissociative disorder, or a personality disorder). The symptoms do not happen only during the course of schizophrenia or another psychotic disorder.
Q. So why can’t I just count up the symptoms and diagnose myself?
A. You can and you might even be right. But it is really hard to rate yourself and even harder to determine if symptoms are inappropriate for developmental level and even that much harder for you to determine if your symptoms could be better explained by another mental disorder. If you try to diagnose yourself using the list, make sure you go to a qualified professional to make sure.
Q. How do I know if the professional doing the diagnosis is following best practices:
A. Diagnosing ADHD is best done by taking a thorough patient history. Neuroimaging is making great strides and gives us data on population groups in larger numbers but is not yet useful for individual diagnoses. So best practices would include:
Asking to fill in ADHD symptom ratings scales (SNAP, Vanderbilt, BAARS, Conners, ASRS etc.). If the clinician is assessing for co-morbid conditions then you should be filling out symptoms rating scales for those conditions (PHQ-9, GAD-7 etc).
Getting another person (family member, teacher, friend, colleague) to fill out symptoms rating scales in order to have a “2nd rater” since it is hard to rate yourself.
Carefully, doing a thorough patient history to understand your symptoms, as well as those from other family members (since ADHD is so heritable). Remember the clinician is trying to determine that the symptoms interfere with, or reduce the quality of, social, school, or work functioning, so they should be asking you about how these symptoms affect you.
Gathering any other information from your life (like school report cards or work reviews) to get information on symptoms.
Q. Is there any new research on the horizon that may change how ADHD is being diagnosed?
A. Dr. Russell Barkley, by many considered to be the foremost expert on ADHD has cited research studies that would suggest a few possibilities:
The number of symptoms for the ADHD diagnoses may be lowered
The requirement that symptoms are present before age 12 may be too restrictive
There is increasing evidence for the existence of a second attention disorder, currently called Sluggish Cognitive Tempo, which is often confused with ADHD, but should be distinct and treated differently.
The stakes are high for getting a diagnosis right. Overdiagnosis exists in some corners but underdiagnosis and misdiagnosis are the bigger problems; I’ve heard the stories of so many people who suffered for years with ADHD symptoms and only got a diagnosis late in life. Resist diagnosing yourself - take the time and spend the money to go to a qualified professional to get diagnosed properly.
ADHD and Details - How to make fewer detail errors, make your bosses happy and avoid bringing down the internet
On January 31, 2009, between 6:30 and 7:25 a.m. Pacific, a big chunk of the internet crashed. If anyone tried logging on to a website from Google, a Google message said "Warning! This site may harm your computer." Google's mistake happened when an engineer accidentally added "/ " to a list of harmful sites. Since every website includes a forward slash its URL, every website was considered harmful. A small detail led to big consequences.
Attention to detail is critical in many different types of jobs:
In 1870, German scientist Erich von Wolf, when measuring iron content in vegetables, accidentally reported 35 milligrams of iron per 100-gram serving of spinach, instead of 3.5 milligrams, simply by misplacing the decimal. It was not until 1937 that the error was corrected. During the interim period, Popeye came to fame a bit erroneously.
During the U.S.-supported invasion of Cuba’s Bay of Pigs in 1961, fighter jets from an aircraft carrier showed up an hour late to support B-26 bombers because somebody forgot about the hour time change from the base in Nicaragua where the B-26s took off to just offshore Cuba where the planes were to meet up.
Detail errors in your workplace may not cause the internet to crash, an invasion to fail, or a vegetable to be overrated but I bet they cause problems of all sizes and shapes.
Everybody makes mistakes
A client of mine recently showed me a review in which she was being castigated for making too many errors containing a sentence which read, “the the level of errors unacceptable.” So, yes to err is human. Everybody makes mistakes to some degree. But your job at work is to increase quality and minimize errors. Every year work becomes increasingly complex, time deadlines increase and it is tempting to think of lower quality as inevitable. But if you make producing high quality, error-free work a goal, you will stand out and people will want to work with you.
How to minimize errors
Realize this is how your brain works - People often underrate their propensity to make errors. It’s much better to accept the fact that your brain just struggles to see double words, check for details etc. Your brain is no doubt amazing at other things but if you can accept that you have an issue with errors, you can build in compensating mechanisms to pick up on your errors and correct them before they are too late.
Proofread, in small batches - Most people who are prone to errors (and even many who are not) have learned to proofread important emails or texts before they send them. But sometimes, your proofreading fails because you are trying to proofread too large of a document. Particularly if you have attention issues, break your proofreading into small batches, such as a paragraph at a time. Take some time and space between each batch so you can concentrate with laser-like focus to eradicate your mistakes.
Use Spell and Grammar check with all their flaws - Most document and email programs come with spell and grammar check built-in, a godsend for people who have issues with details, so by all means use them. But realize that spell checkers sometimes miss homonyms or recommend changes that are factually correct but stylistically awkward. So don’t turn your brain off when you are using spell and grammar check.
Employ Checklists - All medical students learn the Hippocratic wisdom,”first, do no harm.” Surgeons, in particular, must avoid errors and one such surgeon, Dr. Atul Gawande, wrote a bestselling non-fiction book called The Checklist Manifesto with a method to decrease errors. The idea is simple: break a process down into steps, write out each step and as you do the process, consult the checklist to make sure you haven’t missed any steps.
Set up Checks and Balances - A workplace that depends on minimizing errors should have checks and balances built in: Two members of an administrative team check each other's work. An attending physician double checks a medical resident at every step of the process. Two paralegals check each other’s work. If your workplace doesn’t have checks and balances built in, then create a check and balance process yourself.
Slow down - If you have been reading my articles, you will have seen this advice before in different contexts. If you have ADHD, you probably have a very quick brain. Fast brains are powerful but are much more prone to errors. Take deep breaths, meditate, time yourself, or have a “slow down” mantra. Do whatever it takes to slow down and make fewer errors.
Leave yourself time - If you are a student you have probably been hearing from teachers your whole life, “leave time at the end of the test to check your work.” And if you did it, you probably did it half-heartedly. But it’s good advice. Even if you know the material, if you have a brain that is prone to errors, you will find your mistakes - for example, if you are doing math, make sure you are answering the question that is being asked.
Measure yourself - It’s a common maxim of business that no metric improves without being measured. Once you start measuring your error rate, you can experiment to see which of these techniques work best for you.
It’s estimated that Google lost $2-$3mm in advertising revenue from that errant slash not to mention the hit to their reputation. You have to empathize with the engineer who made that mistake. Even though everybody makes mistakes, tiny mistakes can have big consequences. So own your abilities to avoid errors, strive for quality and shine in your workplace.
Interrupting is not a moral flaw
If you have ADHD, there is a good chance that you are an interrupter. My former client, J, knows he is an interrupter. He knows he annoys other people when he does this, but he can’t stop. He knows that other people perceive him as arrogant because of his interruptions even though he doesn’t feel that his opinion is worth more than others.
Why do people with ADHD interrupt?
Racing Brain. I often use the shorthand of “racing brain” to describe ADHD. People with ADHD tend to have fast brains. When somebody is talking to them, their brain is jumping ahead, knowing where the speaker is headed (or, at least, thinking they know where the speaker is headed). People with “racing brain” often have particular conflicts with people who take their time to get their thoughts out.
Impulsivity. Sometimes interrupting is caused by impulsivity. People with ADHD can’t wait until an appropriate break in the conversation to get out their great ideas.
Working Memory. Many people with ADHD have challenges with Working Memory. So if they are in conversation, they are worried that they will forget what they want to say and therefore blurt out rather than waiting for an appropriate conversational break.
Metacognition. Some people with ADHD have no idea that they are interrupters. They may have limited self-monitoring abilities. After all, metacognition is an executive function that may be impaired by ADHD.
What should you do if you are an interrupter?
Be aware. Don’t be defensive. This is easier said than done (especially if you have rejection sensitivity issues) but as they say, “the first step is admitting you have a problem.” The speed of your brain is both an asset and a liability. Appreciate your brain for all it does for you and admit to yourself that you interrupt.
Educate your friends, family, and colleagues. Once you realize that you are an interrupter, tell your friends, family and close colleagues. Explain to them that you respect their opinions, that you want to hear what they have to say, that you are working on not interrupting, that you have a fast brain, impulsivity, or memory issues which causes you to interrupt but you don’t mean any harm by it. Give them permission to call you out if you are interrupting and don’t take offense if they do so.
Slow yourself down. I teach my clients how to do mini-meditations and breathing exercises before an important meeting or job interview. When you are in high stress situations, your interrupting has a tendency to worsen so it is critical that you slow yourself down before and during a stressful conversation.
Write down your ideas. If you are worried that you will forget what you want to say, jot down a note on a post-it and when it is time for you to talk, check your notes.
Make rules for yourself. If you generally talk too much, give yourself an allowance of how many times you can talk in a meeting. People who are effective leaders typically do not talk much in meetings but make sure that everything they do say is a pearl of wisdom.
Have a mantra. Many times interrupters start a conversation being able to control themselves but then go back to their interrupting ways as they get further in and forget to monitor themselves. If you can keep an internal mantra going like “slow down” or “listen” or “let them finish”, you have a much better chance of getting through a whole conversation, interview, or meeting without interrupting.
Come to learn - Before you start a meeting, get yourself in the spirit of learning rather than trying to win your case. Even if you do have a strong opinion of how things should go, you can always learn from others. If you have that spirit of inquiry, you will find yourself interrupting less.
Pay attention to non-verbal communication and unspoken cues - As you become more advanced at active listening, you will find that when you are talking to somebody, they are not always expressing their opinions directly but are giving you non-verbal or unspoken cues as to what they think. If you can immerse yourself in their reactions, you will get yourself out of your own head and interrupt less.
Finally, realize that interrupting is not a moral flaw. Many people will get annoyed if you interrupt them but you and they need to realize that this is a by-product of your brain in all its glory and challenges. Absolutely try to limit the amount of interrupting you do but also make sure that you don’t beat yourself up for this tendency. And teach others not to beat you up for interrupting too.
Just because you lose things, it doesn’t mean you are a loser
Growing up in the 70s and 80s in the suburbs of Boston was heaven for a kid. It was the era before cell phones, so after school, you would go down to the playground and play for hours without any adults around as long as you made it home for dinner.
My playground was Richardson Field and about twice a week, when I got home, my mom would say to me, “where’s your lunchbox, Jon? Where's your backpack? Where’s your baseball cap, and occasionally, “Where’s your shirt?”
I’ve lost computers, phones, homework, wallets, keys, and passports. I haven’t lost any of my children yet (despite my wife’s worries) but I do have a child who loses things at the same rate that I did.
I still lose things but much less often than I used to. I use every compensating mechanism I can think of. To name a few:
“Find my phone” app
On the go always with a backpack which everything goes into
Tiles attached to my keys and in my wallet
Mantra of “keys, wallet, phone” whenever I leave anywhere
Keys, wallet, and phone go on the same place on my bedside when I get home
Coat goes in my lap instead of on the back of a chair at a restaurant or movie
Why do people with ADHD or executive function challenges lose things? People use the phrase “absent-minded professor” to describe this behavior but that is highly inaccurate. People with ADHD are often thinking deeply about something and lose track of everything else around them. If you are deep in thought about a movie you just saw, it’s easy to walk out of the movie theater and leave your coat on a chair. If you are fiercely debating a friend about an issue you care about, it’s easy to leave your car keys on their kitchen counter.
So if you have a brain that hyperfocuses and has a hard time switching, you will probably lose things more often than others.
Here’s my advice when you do lose things:
Stay calm. Do not beat yourself up. Realize that anything can be replaced (even a passport when you are traveling in India). Anxiety gets in the way of cognition and you will make it much harder to find something if you are freaking out.
Look in the place that the lost item would most likely be. So often, the lost item just fell down behind the couch, or you left it on the counter when you were checking in to the gym. Or you left it on the fence at the park. It may not be right in front of your eyes but it is probably close to where you think it would be.
Look with your brain, not your feet. Don’t move! In your mind, trace back to when you saw the item last. If you can’t remember that, think about all the places you have been in the last half hour, hour, day or weekend. Be like a detective and use your brain to find clues. Only when you have completed all your thinking and have a short list of places your lost item may be, should you actually physically look for it.
Just because you lose things doesn’t mean you are a loser. You are not absent-minded. You are thinking about important things. Perhaps you are more prone to lose things, but you are better than most people at other activities. Just don’t beat yourself up. Lots and lots of people lose things. I don’t do shame any more when I lose things; I just figure out how to find them. You can do that too.
Motivation and boredom in people with ADHD
I often hear people speaking about motivation as if it’s an absolute quality that you are born with:
I wish my son was more motivated.
My colleague in Sales has more drive than anybody I know.
There is some truth in these statements: Stephen Petrill, a psychology professor at The Ohio State University, co-authored a study of more than 13,000 twins from six countries that found that 40 to 50 percent of the differences in children’s motivation to learn could be explained by their genetic inheritance from their parents.
But as an ADHD coach, I prefer to focus on the 50% that is not explained by genetics. Many times, motivation is contextual.
Try this thought experiment:
It’s 9 a.m. on a Saturday morning, you are lying in bed after a big night out, thinking about going for a run, but unable to get out of bed. You could easily lie in bed for another hour or two dozing. But if you can get yourself up out of bed, then the rest is usually easy: bathroom visit, eat a banana, put on sneakers, and once you have run 20 yards, you can easily run another 2-3 miles.
When doing executive function coaching, we use the phrase “task initiation” to talk about how to get started. We get to the underlying reason of why it’s hard to start a task. The most common answers are:
The task is boring
The task is overwhelming
The assignment is not due until the end of the semester
And of course the biggy: I’m scared I will fail
Everybody has some tasks that they struggle to get started on, but people with ADHD typically struggle more with task initiation, particularly for boring tasks which won’t give them the dopamine hit they need.
As ADHD coaches, we have lots of techniques to improve task initiation:
Publicly declare what you are going to do
Start with the piece of the task that you find most interesting
Pair a task that you find boring with a task that you enjoy
Work (or run) with a group or partner
Break the tasks into 30 minute sections
Schedule your “hard to start” tasks in your calendar
Reframe negative self-talk or fear of failure
Set up consequences for yourself for not getting started
Reward yourself for finishing
These last two are interesting: there are definitely people who are more motivated by a carrot and others more by fear. It’s important to you know which works better for you.
Even if your genetics, or your history, or your self-view, or the task itself can pose barriers, anyone can learn compensating mechanisms and build habits to counteract the reasons that prevent you from getting started on tasks. As you start building these habits, they become a positive spiral whereby you start feeling great about being productive, you get some wins from the work you are doing, which in turn, motivates you even further.
I strongly recommend doing this with a partner - a coach, a partner, a friend, or a work colleague. Having accountability to somebody, anybody, is a strong motivator. And if you are reading this and thinking that it describes you, reach out for help and get started as soon as you can.
Getting diagnosed with ADHD as an adult
In the last few years, I have talked to hundreds of adults who were diagnosed with ADHD in their thirties, forties, fifties, even sixties and older. The most common story was that one of their children was diagnosed, they started reading about ADHD and realized they probably had it too.
The reactions from being diagnosed as an adult range from this incredible “aha” of understanding how their brain works for the first time to a terrible sense of regret over “if I had only known earlier.” Sometimes, people experience both of these emotions simultaneously.
Depending on the data source, between 5% and 10% of people have ADHD; that’s a similar percentage of people who are left-handed. When you first get diagnosed, one of the best things you can do for yourself is to start telling your story. Older generations, who may hesitate to share their ADHD stories, can take inspiration from younger generations who embrace neurodiversity and have shed much of the associated stigma. Young or old, if you start telling your story, I guarantee that you will start finding friends, colleagues and family members who you love and respect who have ADHD too. This will give you a sense of belonging and make you realize you are far from alone.
As you get more comfortable with your diagnosis, you will realize that folks with ADHD bring great strengths to life: energy, creativity, quick and engaged brains. Some of the greatest entrepreneurs (Richard Branson), politicians (James Carville) and creatives (Ryan Gosling, Jim Carrey) have ADHD. What they have in common is they learned to play to their strengths and harness the power of the ADHD brain.
There’s also plenty of help out there for you to learn to do thrive with ADHD; there are coaches, like me, who can teach you to play to your strengths and build structure to compensate for your weaknesses, therapists who can help you deal with the emotional fallout of your ADHD, and medical professionals who can prescribe the right combination of medications to maximize your potential.
Whether you are 25, 45, or 65 when you get diagnosed, there is so much life ahead of you. With this new understanding of your brain, start right away to be the best possible version of yourself.