Just because you lose things, it doesn’t mean you are a loser
Growing up in the 70s and 80s in the suburbs of Boston was heaven for a kid. It was the era before cell phones, so after school, you would go down to the playground and play for hours without any adults around as long as you made it home for dinner.
My playground was Richardson Field and about twice a week, when I got home, my mom would say to me, “where’s your lunchbox, Jon? Where's your backpack? Where’s your baseball cap, and occasionally, “Where’s your shirt?”
I’ve lost computers, phones, homework, wallets, keys, and passports. I haven’t lost any of my children yet (despite my wife’s worries) but I do have a child who loses things at the same rate that I did.
I still lose things but much less often than I used to. I use every compensating mechanism I can think of. To name a few:
“Find my phone” app
On the go always with a backpack which everything goes into
Tiles attached to my keys and in my wallet
Mantra of “keys, wallet, phone” whenever I leave anywhere
Keys, wallet, and phone go on the same place on my bedside when I get home
Coat goes in my lap instead of on the back of a chair at a restaurant or movie
Why do people with ADHD or executive function challenges lose things? People use the phrase “absent-minded professor” to describe this behavior but that is highly inaccurate. People with ADHD are often thinking deeply about something and lose track of everything else around them. If you are deep in thought about a movie you just saw, it’s easy to walk out of the movie theater and leave your coat on a chair. If you are fiercely debating a friend about an issue you care about, it’s easy to leave your car keys on their kitchen counter.
So if you have a brain that hyperfocuses and has a hard time switching, you will probably lose things more often than others.
Here’s my advice when you do lose things:
Stay calm. Do not beat yourself up. Realize that anything can be replaced (even a passport when you are traveling in India). Anxiety gets in the way of cognition and you will make it much harder to find something if you are freaking out.
Look in the place that the lost item would most likely be. So often, the lost item just fell down behind the couch, or you left it on the counter when you were checking in to the gym. Or you left it on the fence at the park. It may not be right in front of your eyes but it is probably close to where you think it would be.
Look with your brain, not your feet. Don’t move! In your mind, trace back to when you saw the item last. If you can’t remember that, think about all the places you have been in the last half hour, hour, day or weekend. Be like a detective and use your brain to find clues. Only when you have completed all your thinking and have a short list of places your lost item may be, should you actually physically look for it.
Just because you lose things doesn’t mean you are a loser. You are not absent-minded. You are thinking about important things. Perhaps you are more prone to lose things, but you are better than most people at other activities. Just don’t beat yourself up. Lots and lots of people lose things. I don’t do shame any more when I lose things; I just figure out how to find them. You can do that too.