Interrupting is not a moral flaw
If you have ADHD, there is a good chance that you are an interrupter. My former client, J, knows he is an interrupter. He knows he annoys other people when he does this, but he can’t stop. He knows that other people perceive him as arrogant because of his interruptions even though he doesn’t feel that his opinion is worth more than others.
Why do people with ADHD interrupt?
Racing Brain. I often use the shorthand of “racing brain” to describe ADHD. People with ADHD tend to have fast brains. When somebody is talking to them, their brain is jumping ahead, knowing where the speaker is headed (or, at least, thinking they know where the speaker is headed). People with “racing brain” often have particular conflicts with people who take their time to get their thoughts out.
Impulsivity. Sometimes interrupting is caused by impulsivity. People with ADHD can’t wait until an appropriate break in the conversation to get out their great ideas.
Working Memory. Many people with ADHD have challenges with Working Memory. So if they are in conversation, they are worried that they will forget what they want to say and therefore blurt out rather than waiting for an appropriate conversational break.
Metacognition. Some people with ADHD have no idea that they are interrupters. They may have limited self-monitoring abilities. After all, metacognition is an executive function that may be impaired by ADHD.
What should you do if you are an interrupter?
Be aware. Don’t be defensive. This is easier said than done (especially if you have rejection sensitivity issues) but as they say, “the first step is admitting you have a problem.” The speed of your brain is both an asset and a liability. Appreciate your brain for all it does for you and admit to yourself that you interrupt.
Educate your friends, family, and colleagues. Once you realize that you are an interrupter, tell your friends, family and close colleagues. Explain to them that you respect their opinions, that you want to hear what they have to say, that you are working on not interrupting, that you have a fast brain, impulsivity, or memory issues which causes you to interrupt but you don’t mean any harm by it. Give them permission to call you out if you are interrupting and don’t take offense if they do so.
Slow yourself down. I teach my clients how to do mini-meditations and breathing exercises before an important meeting or job interview. When you are in high stress situations, your interrupting has a tendency to worsen so it is critical that you slow yourself down before and during a stressful conversation.
Write down your ideas. If you are worried that you will forget what you want to say, jot down a note on a post-it and when it is time for you to talk, check your notes.
Make rules for yourself. If you generally talk too much, give yourself an allowance of how many times you can talk in a meeting. People who are effective leaders typically do not talk much in meetings but make sure that everything they do say is a pearl of wisdom.
Have a mantra. Many times interrupters start a conversation being able to control themselves but then go back to their interrupting ways as they get further in and forget to monitor themselves. If you can keep an internal mantra going like “slow down” or “listen” or “let them finish”, you have a much better chance of getting through a whole conversation, interview, or meeting without interrupting.
Come to learn - Before you start a meeting, get yourself in the spirit of learning rather than trying to win your case. Even if you do have a strong opinion of how things should go, you can always learn from others. If you have that spirit of inquiry, you will find yourself interrupting less.
Pay attention to non-verbal communication and unspoken cues - As you become more advanced at active listening, you will find that when you are talking to somebody, they are not always expressing their opinions directly but are giving you non-verbal or unspoken cues as to what they think. If you can immerse yourself in their reactions, you will get yourself out of your own head and interrupt less.
Finally, realize that interrupting is not a moral flaw. Many people will get annoyed if you interrupt them but you and they need to realize that this is a by-product of your brain in all its glory and challenges. Absolutely try to limit the amount of interrupting you do but also make sure that you don’t beat yourself up for this tendency. And teach others not to beat you up for interrupting too.